Yet again I must apologize for neglecting this blog. I’m sure once I go on winter break I will try to post periodically. This semester at college has been challenging but also soul enriching. The challenges I faced made me look at what I was doing with my life. Why was I starting to have panic attacks? I know I have major anxiety problems when it comes to school work so much so that I finally started to go to a counselor to talk to her about my issues.
I found out two things I have been doing wrong my entire life:
1. I was comparing myself to others.
2. I was trying to meet all my teachers’ expectations and be a “perfect” student.
But since I realized these two main flaws in my philosophy of what I am supposed to be as a person (which is not to my capabilities), I have realized the source of my anxiety and perhaps have begun the process of letting go of the idea of being “perfect”. I feel everyone holds themselves today to unimaginably high standards. But we are only human.
I hope this provides for some explanation for why I have been neglecting this blog. In essence it is only an extension of me neglecting myself. I hope instead of neglecting myself and what I enjoy doing, I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and start to create a new happier me. I deeply desire to shed away the stress and idea I never have enough time, so I have more time to better myself.
One of my first steps has been to start reading more. I have taken up reading the Anderson fairy-tale stories before going to bed. Right now I am reading a series of short stories about a man who paints pictures of things the moon has observed happen on Earth. It is quite interesting. The moon sees the varied human emotions happen right before his eyes and all sorts of different people and places. It makes me wonder at the history of man kind and the many people, places, and experiences which have happened on this planet. The only constant in truth is the universe itself. The moon and stars. Yet, now that I think of it, even that changes. Stars die creating supernovas.
Anyhow, one of the people I go to for advising whom I now consider a friend as well as a role model (Although I am unsure whether she realizes this), got into a conversation with me yesterday about poetry. She suggested I read a collection of poetry named “Underlife” by January Gill O’Neil. I am halfway through. I must tell you that the poetry is such a meaningful look at simply (yet complicated) moments of life. Anyone who has lived in an urban environment could connect to it and even if you haven’t it is still very relevant to anyone.
That’s all for now! I hope all of you aren’t stressing too much about the upcoming holiday season (excepting Hanukkah which has already come and gone).
Until next time,